Every Jaw-Dropping Moment From the Week Washington Completely Lost the Plot
A Fake Bible Verse, Delivered With Full Conviction
Pete Hegseth stood at a Pentagon prayer service and recited what he clearly believed was scripture. It wasn’t. The passage — “The path of the downed aviator is beset on all sides by the iniquities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men” — is lifted almost word for word from Pulp Fiction, the 1994 Quentin Tarantino film. Samuel L. Jackson delivered it before shooting someone in a studio apartment in Burbank.
To be fair, it’s a great speech. Jules Winnfield was very convincing. But Hegseth delivered it at an official military ceremony, in front of service members, as a devotional. Nobody stopped him.
The Jesus Picture and the Man Who Posted It
Trump shared an AI-generated image depicting himself as Jesus Christ. A voter who supported him — and said so plainly on camera — called it “a disgrace.” She was visibly upset. “How egotistical can you possibly be? I’m ashamed that he would actually do that.”
Trump’s response, when asked directly, was to say he thought it was a picture of him as a doctor, something to do with the Red Cross. “Only the fake news could come up with that one,” he added. The image in question shows him with a crown of thorns and divine light. Doctors typically wear scrubs.
The Gas Price Disagreement With Basic Reality
A reporter asked how much longer Americans would have to endure $4-a-gallon gas. Trump’s answer: gas prices aren’t very high. The reporter said $4 a gallon. Trump said that’s what ABC claims. He then pivoted to the stock market, which he described as doing really well.
The stock market had, at that point, just finished one of its worse stretches in recent memory. But the president seemed satisfied with how things were going. The reporter did not visibly agree.
The Grass-Cancer-Diet-Soda Medical Hypothesis
A reporter told press secretary Karoline Leavitt that Dr. Oz had relayed an argument from the president: diet soda kills grass, therefore it must kill cancer cells. Leavitt confirmed the story and noted, with a steady face, that the president has a very good sense of humor. She said she had heard him tell this joke before.
Whether it is a joke or a theory, nobody said. The distinction felt important. It was not pursued.
Scott Bessent and the Strait of Vermouth
Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent, discussing global oil shipping routes in an official context, referred to the Strait of Hormuz — a critical chokepoint for roughly 20 percent of the world’s oil supply — as the “Strait of Vermouth.” Vermouth is a fortified wine used in martinis.
The two words share some syllables. That appears to be where the similarity ends. Bessent continued speaking with complete confidence after saying it, which, in its own way, is impressive.
RFK Jr. Remembers Things Differently
During a congressional hearing, Senator Sewell asked Robert F. Kennedy Jr. about a 2024 podcast interview in which he suggested that Black children on ADHD medication should be “re-parented.” Kennedy said he wasn’t going to answer for something he didn’t say. Sewell told him he absolutely said it. Kennedy repeated that he wouldn’t answer for something he didn’t say.
Rep. Sanchez then asked Kennedy about a separate matter: taxpayer-funded government time spent drinking milk shirtless in a hot tub with Kid Rock. Kennedy serves as Secretary of Health and Human Services. His department, Sanchez noted, has been cutting vaccine information programs. He did not dispute the hot tub part.
The FEMA Official Who Teleports to Waffle House
Gregg Phillips is the top FEMA official currently overseeing disaster response. He has posted videos online describing a range of supernatural experiences: teleporting to a Waffle House, a deceased girlfriend who lifted his car off the road to prevent a crash, and a conversation he had with Satan.
He holds this position. He is in charge of coordinating the federal government’s response when hurricanes, floods, and wildfires destroy American communities. This is the week’s fact that most resists commentary.
Justice Ginsburg’s Confusing Timeline
Trump, speaking about Supreme Court appointments, brought up Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg. His version of events: shortly after some election, Ginsburg — “not exactly a young woman” — died, leaving a seat open. The implication was that Democrats had squandered a chance to appoint her replacement.
Ginsburg died in September 2020. At that point, Trump was president. He appointed her replacement, Amy Coney Barrett, within weeks. The timeline he described would require a different version of American history than the one that occurred. He appeared confident in his account.
